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How to Deal Successfully With Your Anger

Anger is our most basic emotion. It's our fight/flight response that kept us alive during our evolution. It helped us mobilise and fight for our life.

It's our sympathetic nervous system, which is a part of the automatic nervous system.

Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.


We all get angry. That's natural.

Unfortunately, our society didn't really teach us how to del with anger, and how to express it in a healthy way. We learned either expressing it fully or repressing it. None of these are healthy.


Anger occurs when someone behaves in a way that violates our ‘rules’ or standards. While anger is neither good nor bad, what you choose to do with that anger can make a huge difference in your life.

Anger can show you who you are in a way that it automatically shows your likes and dislikes. The things you accept and the things you don't. It expresses your boundaries.


Anger can be a trigger to motivate you to resolve a troubling situation. Getting angry with your spouse can force issues to the surface so you can find a solution.


Anger can push you towards doing amazing things. It can show you your life purpose. A person who is really angry about something can turn that into a charity and become an activist (for example the person is angry about the poverty in the Planet)


Anger isn’t always a bad thing. That extra energy and motivation can be put to good use. But anger can also lead you to do something that creates an even greater challenge. Anger has the potential to create a tremendous amount of harm. Learning new, more constructive ways to deal with your anger can improve your life tremendously.


The best way to handle your anger depends on how you deal with it now:


1. If you suppress anger, try to recognize when you’re suppressing angry feelings. Burying your anger can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, resentment, and passive-aggressive behavior.

Venting your anger in private can help you feel a sense of control without harming anyone else. This should be considered a temporary solution since you’re not addressing the situation that fueled your anger. You’re just defusing your anger, so you don’t magnify the situation. The most important skill to develop is assertiveness. It’s challenging to express your feelings if that isn’t normal for you. Learn to let others know in a constructive way when they’ve upset you. Start with smaller things, and the bigger things will become easier. This is called expressing your boundaries.


2. If you dump your anger aggressively, challenge your unrealistic thinking. Unrealistic expectations commonly fuel aggressive behavior.

People aren’t going to treat you fairly 100% of the time.

Your children aren’t going to listen to you 100% of the time.

Your spouse won’t always give you the attention you desire.

Accept it and realize that you’re making assumptions when you have unrealistic expectations. The behavior of others isn’t always about you.

Replace your unreasonable expectations with different thoughts.

Seek alternate explanations for someone’s actions when you find yourself becoming angry.

What are some other possible reasons for the situation at hand?


Learn to pause and think before you act. . Count to ten, take a deep breath, and then speak carefully.

When we are angry we get connected to our unconscious and more disconnected from our frontal lobe of the brain. The frontal lobe gives us the opportunity to think rationally. When you take a few deep breaths your nervous system calms down and allows you to think from your head instead of reacting.

It's not about either or. You should be aware of your anger because something triggered you. It's about connecting that awareness to your cognition/ consciousness so you can examine the situation from BOTH perspectives. That will give you a more realistic view/ perception.


There is nothing stronger than maintaining control over yourself. You can often prevent situations that make you angry.

Do what you can to avoid issues before they get started. If there are people, places, or situations that seem to trigger angry feelings, attempt to minimize your exposure to those triggers. For example I know if I have chocolate at home it will trigger me and I will eat it (it will keep calling my name until I eat it) so I never have any sweets at home. I avoid the trigger at any cost.


Dealing with anger is a part of life. Just because you might have learned unhealthy ways of dealing with your feelings of anger doesn’t preclude the possibility of learning new strategies. If you’ve expressed your anger physically in the past, it would probably be a good idea to get professional help. You certainly don’t want someone to get hurt because you couldn’t control your anger. Consider what could happen to you, too. Practice these strategies, get the help you need, and move forward with your life.

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