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Understanding anger, grief and trauma

Anger is a form of self-protection to cover our deep emotions, even if we are unaware of it.

To understand this on a deeper level, let's imagine the following scenario:


Imagine that you love someone very deeply. Love is a deep connection. It can be towards another person, a thing or even you love the way you see yourself. It doesn't really matter where the connections is going towards, the key here is that love is a connection.


When you get bored of someone or something, that interest, connection fades away.

Imagine this scenario in order to understand anger, grief and even love.


Imagine that you love your partner deeply, you feel fulfilled and loved, you don't want anything more, you don't want to change anything. You are perfectly happy and satisfied.


BUT something unexpected happens, and you lose your beloved one forever. That deep connection is torn apart. That deep love turns into grief, missing him/her. It turns into pain that breaks your heart every day. All you can feel is the pain.

All that energy is there (love) and it has to turn into something that makes sense. So, you feel angry. You feel angry at yourself, you feel angry at the whole world for letting this happen.


Your pain is like a deep bleeding cut in the middle of your heart. That pain is covered with sadness, and that sadness is covered with anger. That anger is your wound to protect you, and that deep injury in your heart.


You are in pain because you have lost not only your beloved one but that version of yourself as well. You miss your partner and yourself, the version of yourself you used to be.

And that's exactly what happens with us as children when our parents hurt us for showing who who we are and how we feel.. We get punished or ignored instead of being accepted. They injure our hearts and disconnect us from ourselves, and all what's left is the wound, the anger, the only thing that we have to protect ourselves from this cruel world.


We react with anger to anything we don't understand. We don't understand it because it's disconnected from us. It has been disconnected from us for so long that we cannot even remember that we ever had it.


Reality offers us a chance to see our broken reflection every day when we interact with others, but it's difficult to see what's under our self-protecting wound, what's under our anger.


If you want to find your true Self you have to allow yourself to feel your own pain in your heart. To feel that deep injury, that disconnection, and accept it and integrate it.

There is no other way, unfortunately, to heal your injury but to tear down that thick wound and see your own wound. .... and this time allow your injury to heal with love instead of anger.



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